Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I think it's about time...

For another post.

A lot has happened since i last posted.
I guess i'm getting in the bad habit of never posting anymore.
Sorry about that. But seeing as i have done ABSOLUTELY nothing today
i figured it was getting time to catch everyone up on my life.

I've had my ups and downs since the beginning of last month.
The weekend of Martin Luther King's Birthday A bunch of friends from home came to visit. Sam, Logan, Johnny, Kurtis, and David. And then later that weekend Savannah, Natalie, and Spencer Joined them. So me, sam, nat, and savannah had a huge sleepover in my apartment. It was so fun.

But then, that very same weekend, i found out that my Grandma Jensen died. We were at my friend Ashley's house when my mom called me. She said that grandma wasn't doing very well and that they were calling an ambulance to come get her. About ten minutes later i got the call...saying that she had passed. I didn't know what to do. So i went out side by myself and just cried. I have never had someone close to me die before, so i didn't exactly know how to handle it. My grandmother had alzheimer's so i knew that this was a good thing for her. She was now able to remember everything and she has knowledge far beyond any of us. I was happy for her, but at the same time...i realized that i wasn't going to see her again for SUCH a long time. I was so sad for my family. For my Grandpa and my Dad...i wanted to be with everyone, and instead...i was sitting outside in the 20 degree weather bymyself...crying. So i called up Savannah and Natalie...(who weren't here in provo yet)...and i just cried with them.
After that i didn't really want to ruin everyone's vacation...but i didn't want to go home and be by myself. because we all know it's not good when you are so sad to have too much time to think about it. So i went along with them to the nickelcade and just kind of walked around not really feeling anything. After that i came home, and got a blessing from my FHE brothers. And i have to say. that i have SUCH a testimony in the power of blessings. Since i've been here in provo i can't even tell you how many times blessings have helped me. I used to be afraid to ask for them, and now i don't know why. They are so amazing and everytime i get one i am blown away at how much my heavenly father knows exactly what i need exactly when i need it. So after that i felt at peace, but i still wanted to see my family.

Savannah and Natalie came the next day from Idaho to be with me, and i can't even tell them how much a appreciate that. It's been really hard for me to be away from friends while i'm here in Provo, and i love that even though we are a 4 hour drive away...they are still here for me when i need them...

So I decided that i would go home that weekend for the funeral. Now this seems like it would be an easy decision to make, and it was, but the thing is, i had a Noteworthy retreat that VERY same weekend. It was a three day two night event where we had workshops that i probably REALLY needed, and it's HUGE bonding time and spiritual growth time. I knew that this was a really important thing, and i was afraid that if i didn't go...i would be behind and i would miss out on those bonding experiences and maybe be a little left out for a while. But after praying about it, i knew that i was supposed to be with my family for this. So i called up the director and told her that i wouldn't be there...she was really understanding. So i took the car over to Sacramento and i was able to be there for the funeral. It was an amazing funeral, and just being there made me feel so much closer to every single member of my family. The day after me and some of my older girl cousins went out for lunch and it was something that i think we all needed. we were all able to talk about our grandma and reminice on good times when we were little and much closer. I LOVEd that. I suddenly feel the urge to be so much closer to my cousins like we were before, and i'm so excited for christmases and summers when we can go to lunch again. Family has always been important to me, and my testimony of families has grown SO much in these past few weeks.

Well anyway so that sunday i drove home with my dad's cousins, and we were almost home (we were in draper) when all of the sudden we hit an icey patch in the carpool lane and we spun the WHOLE way accross all 5 lanes of traffic...i don't know how, but no car hit us as we spun into the center divide. We hit pretty hard and i got a huge bruise on my back which is still there, but other than my bruise no one got hurt. I was definitely blessed. it could have been so much worse.

Anyway since then everything has just been the same ol same ol. I still hate school...and i always will haha. but i'm learning to deal with that. I feel myself getting back into my old habits though...the ones of not really doing as much school work as i should...and just wanting to sleep all the time...and not really having motivation to do anything. I'm really trying to be better...but sometimes i have a hard time...since i'm not really sure where i'm going with school...I've even thought seriously about transferring to Idaho...I do realize that i have a purpose, and i kind of know what direction i want to go in, but i just don't know where exactly that is leading or what exactly it is i'm supposed to be doing in order to fulfill the goals that i have. I'm doing a lot of pondering on where exactly life is taking me, and what i need to be doing in order to get where i need to be. It's been a hard 6 months for me trying to figure it all out. But i realize that sometimes you just have to go along with the breeze...and eventually you will get somewhere...and i'm ready to be somewhere. i'm REALLY ready.

i'm sorry this blog has been kind of scatter brained.
i'm in a scatter brained mood
and just need to get thoughts out...
so there you have it.

I love you All. :)